Drive and Diss

Instant Message Thread with Bold Prediction for the 2010-2011 Season

2010-07-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

James says:
mark my words, this will be Gilbert's strongest year
James says:
prediction
James says:
you heard it here first

Rule #1 in "successfully" building your underachieving nba franchise: alienate fans by forcing them to buy cable

2009-10-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Finally, the nba season has begun.... and the ineptitude of the Jazz front office are in midseason form.

Just look at the tv schedule for the Jazz this year. You want to watch your Jazz? Get cable or satellite or some other extra expense for the privilege of rooting for the team with the most contradictory name in sports. Is this a joke?

Growing up watching the Jazz, I took comfort in knowing that I could at least watch a few games on tv and still consider myself in the know of what was going on with the team. Today's family operating on a budget and priorities of life? Forget it. Go get cable you cheapos.

Forget the fact the Utah Jazz are a bunch of underachievers. Forget the fact that there is this thing called a recession. Forget the fact that unemployment is in the toilet. The Miller group obviously thinks they are feeling the squeeze, and want to squeeze the fans back. What better way to "sell" your team to the masses by making it exclusive to the "haves" over the "have nots"?

Although the late Larry Miller had a few missteps with the team from this fan's perspective, I can say with certainty that the Utah Jazz was viewable to the masses under his watch. This new breed of Miller group is giving me thoughts of seeking free agency with my fandom. I'm sure there are better front offices out there that try to keep "all" fans in the know. Yes, the Jazz aren't the first to force their fans to "get" cable, I just didn't think the Jazz was that type of organization. Being a Jazz fan trying to convince other fans of the value of this team is becoming harder and harder. Especially when you see a championship Laker organization once again guaranteeing HALF of their games on local tv. (Lakers broadcast away games on local kcal9, home games on FSN west).

The worst part of this "new" Jazz way of running things is the lack of any type of forward thinking. It appears the Jazz are thinking about "now" and getting dollars for "now" to pay underachieving players with bloated contracts for "now". What about the fans who want to watch their Jazz "now" and stick with the team for the "Future"? Hey Miller group, ever heard of building your fan base from the ground up? Perhaps how Larry did with my generation?

Good Luck.

-J

2009-07-02T12:16:00.000-07:00

Redskins Fan says:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4303047
have i mentioned i hate shaq
well, i hate shaq
i think this thing is going to blow up
James says:
wow, maybe Lebron has a shot now
Lebron had NO chance
and now, because of the kindness of Shaqa claus, it can happen
Im so glad Shaq is still relevant
Redskins Fan says:
did you hear that i hate shaq
the cavs will NOT win the championship
bank on iy
it
James says:
wow, imagine the storyline for next season
Redskins Fan says:
drive and diss guarantee
James says:
Shaq vs. Kobe
with Lebron
Redskins Fan says:
the spurs will win
they need a back-up big guy but there are guys available
i hate shaq
had i mentioned that
James says:
this conversation will be published as a Drive and Diss entry
Redskins Fan says:
that is a great idea
James says:
Drive and Diss is back
Redskins Fan says:
we should just publish all of our daily im's
James says:
check it
Redskins Fan says:
hahaha
nice!
James says:
HA HA HA HA HA
Redskins Fan says:
btw here is some more nba analysis
i really like what detroit did
not at all
they now have a roster of about 20 shooting guards to compliment the great charlie villenueva
dumars is the most overrated gm ever
there
hard hitting analysis the readers of drive and diss expect

Sad Photo of the Day

2008-04-30T08:09:00.001-07:00

I happened to be looking for random images for research purposes and stumbled upon this. I guess Dallas was eliminated again? Does the NBA care? Does anyone care?

From this photo it looks like Cuban cares... or perhaps he is thinking about bonehead point guard moves his team has acted upon in the past few years: NOT Locking up Nash who won 2 MVPS after signing with the Suns? Trading away an up and coming point guard for an overrated Jason Kidd?

Oh yes... Cuban cares.

-J

Drive and Diss Quick Hit: Why the Pistons are Doomed

2008-04-29T01:02:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new feature here at Drive and Diss: Quick Hits. These are the kinds of observations Drive and Diss talk about over the course of the day, so it's kind of like bringing you behind the scenes at the Drive and Diss worldwide headquarters. In today's inaugural edition, we examine why the Pistons are doomed. Even if they get past the pesky Sixers and their legion of Andres, the Pistons are going nowhere. And it all has to do with the playoff rotation (or should we say lack thereof) of Coach Flip Saunders.

Flip has decided to shrink his bench for the playoff run. And in the process his offense has abandoned him. When Detroit traded for Juan Dixon about a month ago, we thought it was a stroke of genius. It's always been our opinion that Juan has the ability to be a new age Vinnie "Microwave" Johnson - instant offense off the bench for about 15- 20 minutes a night. So it seemed like destiny when Juan went to Johnson's old team. However, not only is Juan not playing, he was left off the playoff roster! Nice work Pistons. Enjoy your soon to be early vacation. -E

Tale of two cities: Philadelphia vs. Denver

2008-04-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

As I sleepily watched the Denver Nuggets vs. the Los Angeles Lakers game it was obvious from the start what the eventual outcome would be. Every year there are a few playoff series where a seasoned nba fan can predict which teams phone in their appearance, and which teams relish the role of playing upstart.

In this case, the Denver Nuggets are using their rollover minutes.. and it is only game one.

Realizing the need to be more productive, I decided to take a nap rather than see the hapless Nuggets inflate the already bloated ego that is the Los Angeles Lakers. A few hours later I woke up to see how the Philadelphia 76ers would handle their gift of a second season. Needless to say, I'm happy I took my nap during the Nuggets game. The Sixers were impressive - The exact type of team that nba fans are hungrily looking for to play the role of upstart.

This isn't to say the Piston's are rattled or their season is over. But it was refreshing to see a young team play fearless against a championship caliber team. As an nba fan, I want to watch an actual series. I do not want to watch a team who celebrates the fact they enter the playoffs as an eighth seed, and have their all star over-celebrate with a DUI charge.

As I watched the Sixers from afar on my couch, I started to think about the storylines that led both of these teams to the situation they are in today. The biggest storyline that links these two teams is the trade of Andre Miller for Allen Iverson.

When this trade went down I was never a fan of it. I did not understand the need to trade a point guard with solid leadership ability for a lone maverick hall of fame shooter. Of course, I'm in the minority when it comes to this trade. Friends have asked: “How can a team pass up on the acquisition of one of the greatest players of all time?” I found the answer simple: Andre Miller is a quiet leader, which I think would have benefited the Nuggets in the long run. Allen Iverson is a flashy superstar with incredible talent and zero leadership ability. The Nuggets did not need another scorer; they needed a leadership guy that could defer to Carmelo Anthony and his talents without burdening him with the actual role of leading. They needed a player that could lead by example, possibly teaching Anthony how to be a leader for the future.

Allen Iverson was lucky when he had his championship run in Philly. He had one of the best coaches in the nba to discipline him (somewhat), and surrounded him with quality leadership guys in Eric Snow and Aaron McKie. Fast forward a few years later and Denver was duped into thinking that matching two shooter mentality superstars would translate to victories. If anything, the team has floundered and is possibly getting worse. The problem is perception in the fact Denver brass equated Philly's past championship potential success to one single person in Iverson. All this trade has done has made it that much more clearer who was clearly responsible for Philly’s success. Larry Brown.

The mess in Denver is ugly. They have no leadership, they are poorly coached, and look listless as they play. This problem isn't going away unless one of their superstars steps into leadership void or the Nuggets trade for an actual leader.

Scorers are only one piece of the puzzle.

Just ask Mo Cheeks as he coached from the sidelines watching Andre Miller run a simple floor game maximizing the talents of the young players around him. Or ask George Karl as his veteran superstar got two technicals in the fourth and left for the locker room early. For the Nuggets, Iverson ejected to the locker room with time to play is a foreshadowing of things to come - an early playoff exit.

Philly? Their future is bright and is guaranteed to bring a couple of quality home games to the legendary raucousness of a Philly crowd.

-J

Drive and Diss Poll Madness! Alert: What Has Carmelo Learned from his Arrest?

2008-04-16T11:42:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, it's time for another Drive and Diss Poll Madness! alert. Now is your time to let us know what you think Carmelo Anthony has learned from his DUI arrest. Good luck! And while most blogs would post a picture of 'Melo's mugshot, Drive and Diss is taking another route and posting a picture of 'Melo and his fiancee, former MTV VJay Lala. Did you know there were reports she refused to pick him up at the police station after his arrest? She denies it, but it's more fun to believe otherwise. Oh, and check out that shirt. Jordan must be so proud. We have one just like it, but with a picture of former NBA center Jim McIlvaine. (Currently sold out.)

Drive and Diss Eastern Conference Playoff Preview: The Atlanta Hawks Love Small Forwards

2008-04-16T01:43:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Drive and Diss' Eastern Conference Playoff Preview. In today's edition, we take a look at the eight seed Atlanta Hawks. This marks the Hawks first postseason appearance since 1999. A trade deadline deal for Sacramento point guard has brought veteran leadership and playoff experience into the fold. There are just a couple of problems. First of all, the GM has made repeated attempts to fire the coach (as recently as February!). And secondly, the entire roster is comprised almost entirely of small forwards. It's hard to win in the NBA when you have players at only one position. Sure you have Bibby and rookie of the year candidate, center/power forward Al Horford. But look at the rest of the roster:

Marvin Williams - Small Forward

Josh Childress - Small Forward

Joe Johnson - Small Forward (He's listed as a guard on the roster, but he's 6-7, 235. According to the Drive and Diss NBA height/weight ratio chart, these measurables fit squarely in the range of small forward.)

Josh Smith - Small Forward (He's listed as a power forward, but he's 6-8, 235. See reference above to the Drive and Diss NBA height/weight ratio chart.)

Zaza Pachulia - Small Forward (He's listed as a center, but he's got the game of a mediocre small forward. Trust us.)

Jeremy Richardson - Small Forward (Drive and Diss admits that we had no idea who this guy was until about 5 minutes ago, but he is indeed a small forward.)

Dominique Wilkins - Small Forward

So unless the Hawks are competing in a contest to see which team has the most small forwards, it looks like the Human Highlight Reel will miss out on a championship ring for the 25th consecutive year. Sorry 'Nique.

-E

New Drive and Diss Innovation for Western Conference Analysis: The Heart Meter

2008-04-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

Trying to make sense of this year's Western Conference NBA playoffs? We hear you. From the labs of Drive and Diss we would like to introduce another innovation to clarify this year's Wild West Playoff picture.

Everyone that hates reading books and dating is well versed in the language of the Legend of Zelda. I have always found a parallel with Shigeru Miyamoto's video game masterpiece and a quest for an nba championship. What exactly is this similarity?

The heart meter.

This heart meter is the perfect gauge in determining which team has what it takes to win it all. In the Legend of Zelda, the hero "Link" must complete a series of quests to attain the final goal of rescuing Zelda and restoring order to the land. During each character building quest Link aquires hearts for his heart meter to sustain the rigors of the daunting digital campaign and weather the storm for the final, ultimate prize. The nba playoffs are similar in that way. Teams that have aquired the most "heart" during the regular season prove to have the best chance of furthering their quest for a championship run. Often times, some teams are even escorted by a princess during past playoff runs. Refer back to the Suns years with Kevin "The Desert Princess" Johnson for clarification.

In our analysis today the following teams can aquire up to four maximum hearts. Each heart represents a potential round success.

Los Angeles Lakers : 3.5 hearts

Kobe Bryant alone hogs all the heart of this team... sometimes unselfishly. Nonetheless, with the squad he has around him this year (once healthy) the Lakers have a decent shot at returning the luster to those yellow banners in the rafters. However... there is a lingering problem. That is of course the laker curse.

New Orleans Hornets: 2 hearts

What can be said of MVP candidate Chris Paul? He has carried this team the entire year while making his teamates look like all stars. However, the playoffs are a different animal and the jury is still out whether experience points even warrant the Hornets current heart meter. Heart tends to disappear in the playoffs and/or championship rounds for MVP candidates... Just ask Karl Malone and Dirk Nowitzki. Also refer to Peja's famed airball during the Kings upstart attempts to dethroning that Laker championship team.

Houston Rockets: 1/2 heart

Tracy McGrady has not made it out of the first round. The same could be said during the regular season when Mcgrady sometimes does not make it out of the first quarter. Does anyone remember how he phoned it in when his team needed him most during that historical streak?

Utah Jazz: 1.5 hearts

The Smooth Jazz laid down and cried in their last outing vs. the Lakers. The Jazz were a beacon of hope against their last outing against the Spurs. The Jazz are too indecisive to be a champion and Sloan carries 4 hearts by himself. Was their participation in the Western Conference Finals last year a fluke? This particualar Jazz fan thinks so.

Phoenix Suns: 2 hearts

Nash has no one. He carries those 2 hearts on his sleeve. A valiant MVP player that is surrounded by aging stars and a coach whose offensive genius has been rendered useless. This is all thanks to a knee jerk reaction to obtaining the Big Shaqtus. Everyone knows cacti are prickly and retain water. Interesting note: The Suns were in first place in the west before aquiring Shaq. Now they are in 5th place. How can this be regarded as a successful trade? The suns were known as an elite squad the past three years. Now they are playing the role of underdog against the nba elite, and losing. Boston and Detroit enjoyed the free wins. If the Suns adopt "Bully Basketball" from Shaq they will be fine. Can they adapt in time?

San Antonio Robots: 4 mechanical hearts

It does not matter where the Spurs are seeded this year. They are programmed to fear no one. They also cheat and flop better than anyone. As they age they are perfecting old man basketball each and every play. They are robots and are progammed to do one thing: Win ugly. How unfortunate that no one outside of San Antonio considers this team watchable.

Golden State: 2 hearts

With Captain Jack and Baron Davis anything is a possibility. They are impervious to being bullied and shoot without conscience. The only team that can beat the Warriors is actually... themselves. With their hapless, "devil may care" nature they can shoot another team out of the game... and then brick that exact team back in. Will they make this years playoffs? It really depends on Denver's Heart meter...

Denver Nuggets: 2 hearts

These hearts belong to Iverson. Iverson has been in this scenario before and has performed admirably. If he decides to "rent" the leadership role from Carmelo Anthony and take the team on his back, they are guaranteed a playoff spot. Relying on 'Melo will not get it done.

UPDATE: Want more proof? Read here.

Rudy Tomjanovich once put it eloquently after his Hall of Fame center travelled his way to a championship with the "Dream Shake":

"Never Underestimate the heart of a champion"....

We hear you Rudy, and would love to elaborate and rip you off.

"Never underestimate the heart meter of a champion."

-J

Drive and Diss Eastern Conference Playoff Preview: The Philadelphia 76ers and a Whole Lotta Andres

2008-04-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

As the playoffs approach, Drive and Diss will be breaking down all of the teams that will be appearing the most exciting postseason in the last 15 years. In today's stop, we take a look at the resurgent Philadelphia 76ers. After a 5 - 13 start, the Sixers are on a roll, including a big win tonight over Easter Conference titan Detroit Pistons. Currently in the sixth spot, the Sixers look to make some noise behind the steady hand of Andre Miller at the point and the explosive Andre Iguodala on the wing. Now that's a whole lotta Andres.

Unfortunately, it would take Andre the Giant rising from the dead to get these guys going anywhere. They are too young, too small, and too thin on the bench to do anything. In fact, that could be said of the entire Eastern Conference with the exception of the Celtics. However, the Sixers do have a wild card and his name is Calvin Booth. That's right, old friend Calvin Booth has found a home in Philly. Cal has averaged a robust .8 points a game this year. If he can somehow get that over the one point mark, then the Sixers may be able to steal a game or two. But the second round appears to be out of reach.

Drive and Diss Poll Madness Alert: Who loves to Flop?

2008-04-08T11:59:00.001-07:00

We're back with more Poll Madness! Now it's time for you to choose your favorite NBA flopper. Good luck!

Drive and Diss Remembers the Bullets and Legally Blind Center Doug Roth

2008-04-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new feature at Drive and Diss where we remember the Bullets. While the team really never went anywhere, when the name went away, so did a little piece of our heart. Yet the Bullets leave behind an enduring legacy of promise unfulfilled and relentless mediocrity (the 1978 title being the exception to the rule). And we here at Drive and Diss want to preserve these cherished memories.

In today's first installment, we take a look back on the thrilling 1989 draft. In the first round at pick #9, the Bullets made a stellar selection in Tom Hammonds, an undersized power forward from Georgia Tech. Sure the Bullets could have selected Tim Hardaway or Sean Kemp at that spot, but that would have made too much sense. Tom Hammonds career as a journeyman epitomized everything the Bullets were about. Kudos to then general manager Wes Unseld! (By the way, this is Wes pictured with Drive and Diss favorite Jack Sikma.)

However, it was in the second round that the Bullets truly made a splash. At pick #41, the Bullets took Doug Roth, a center out of Tennessee. He was a hard worker who could bring much needed depth to the Bullets' front court. He was also legally blind. That's right, the Bullets drafted a blind man. We could not track down a picture of Doug Roth, so we are posting one of our second-favorite Roth - David Lee.

-E

Drive and Diss Poll Madness! Alert

2008-04-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new feature at Drive and Diss: Poll Madness! This is where we alert you to great new polls up on the site. Now is the time to select your favorite player from the '90-'91 Trailblazers. Good luck! And hey look, it's old friend Kevin Duckworth!

The "LAME AIM BLAME GAME": part one of two. Trouble in Denver.

2008-04-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks I have had brief instant messenger discussions with one of the most passionate Denver Nuggets and Phoenix Suns fans I know. Yes, one of the most underrated techniques that we often employ here at Drive and Diss, simply to entertain you, is researching the fan pulse through heated arguments with angry emoticons.

In part one of our series in the “LAME AIM BLAME GAME” I will spend time talking about Andy Feinstein’s Nuggets.

If you want a history lesson in basketball one can't go wrong consulting "the walking encyclopedia of nba roundball" Andy Feinstein. You can simply check out his blog firegeorgekarl.com and see what I mean. His wealth of information is scary, and if you really want to be frightened, he can summon his knowledge on cue while balancing animation production budgets in one hand and conducting a cell phone conversation in the other (usually involving a girl yelling at him… which is another blog subject entirely). With all his love of basketball the real apple of his eye is his Denver Nuggets.

These days, his argument with his team is plain to see with his blog firegeorgekarl.com but I really believe he is turning a blind eye to the true culprit and painting himself into an uncomfortable corner. His blog's namesake hinges on the failure of the Nuggets to prove his point. The url "firegeorgekarl" leads to only one, misguided path: Firing the wrong person. At the rate this is going he could be performing a type of blog seppuku through the honor of twisted, masochistic fandom. Normally, there is no love lost with typical Nuggets fans and myself being a Utah Jazz fan. However, with Andy’s basketball mind I feel a duty to preserve it. I cannot stand idly by and watch Andy's decent into madness .

Here is the problem with his argument from a purely fanatical point of view: the better the Nuggets do, the weaker the case is for justifying a George Karl exit. The problem is amplified since the nuggets are magically playing inspired basketball with their flawed star Carmelo Anthony. What can Andy do? Root for the Nuggets? Root against them? Why would a fan such as Andy place himself in such a difficult place? The reason is simple from what I can deduce; he wants results for a long playoff run.

After reading through a few of his well constructed, thoroughly fact checked, posts I have concluded a Nuggets seeding less than 2nd place is considered a failure for George Karl in Andy's eyes. Considering the talent the Nuggets have, I respectfully disagree.

Considering the powers in the west and the wealth of talent, the Nuggets have yet to have proven themselves against the playoff elite. The Spurs and Lakers should be considered the real barometer. They have true superstars that have the championship experience to weather the storms during the regular season, and the maturity to maintain an eerie calm in the playoffs. The unproven Hornets deserve a grounded third place. At best, the Nuggets are hovering around a fourth place seed tied with the Jazz. Considering the Jazz are edging them with their current record, the Nuggets could still be considered in a respectable seed at 5th place. At the rate this inspired version of the Nuggets are going, a fifth seed is a reasonable goal to achieve.

Talent wise the Nuggets are amazing. Maturity wise the Nuggets are not. This falls squarely on the shoulders of their "superstar" Carmelo Anthony. As I watch Melo I find him constantly whining and following a popular senatorial school of thought of feeling entitled to having things handed to him, like winning a playoff round.

Melo has been reported to say things fans like to hear such as "I have matured". I suppose it takes maturity to utter phrases like that. It is another thing entirely to have actions reflect words on the court. I remember when Melo was being compared to Lebron during their rookie and second seasons and then, the comparisons stopped... cold. Lebron and Melo in the same sentence? Laughable. Carmelo and Chris Paul? Still laughing.

Lebron has single handedly taken his team to the championship round in the same amount of time Melo has done absolutely nothing. Since his maturity line Melo has done nothing but score a series of pretty looking points and sucker punching an opposing knicks player in the face while running backwards. A knicks player of all people! Melo does not get it yet. Perhaps he never will.

Take the latest example of Melo in action in last night’s crucial game vs. the Suns. In one series on defense Melo had guard duty on Nash, one and one in the third quarter. After Melo blinked Nash blew right by him making an acrobatic layup. Never mind this critical moment in the game... moments later I watched him take it to the rack and blow a layup followed moments later by a second. Bucket by bucket, I watched the Nuggets squander their nineteen point lead halftime score. Kobe? Lebron? Even Chris Paul? They play on both sides of the court in critical games while providing the superstar leadership their teams need. The only thing I see Melo do is slump when things do not go his way and expecting things to happen in his favor. He needs to start taking lessons from the crafty point guard that embarrassed him last night... or step aside and let a true superstar run the team... If only AI was in his prime.

PLAY BY PLAY: Fourth quarter with 3:18 left. Melo takes it to the rack, and misses yet another layup.

Advice to the Nuggets: Trade Melo while he has value as a scorer... or be prepared to role the dice and see where Melo takes the team in 4 more years in hopes that he matures. I'll save my nickname "Marshmallow Anthony" for the Nuggets playoff run this year.

Andy, for your sake I hope I'm wrong. You have suffered enough as a Nuggets fan. I implore you, take off your rose-colored signature black rimmed glasses and look at the franchise player on your team. Your current path will only lead to fanatical madness and ruin any temporary enjoyment you can spend with your team.

-J

Drive and Diss Double Takes: Elite Eight Edition

2008-03-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a new feature at Drive and Diss: Drive and Diss Double Takes. This is where we, appropriately enough, do double takes while scouting the sports landscape. Today's first edition focuses on the excitement of the NCAA tournament.

Double Take #1: Was that former NBA point guard Rod Strickland on the Memphis bench? Indeed it was, but we still can't believe it. While Rod was one of the most talented point guards of the past two decades (especially with the Trail Blazers and Bullets), he was also one of the era's biggest underachievers. Off the court, he had multiple brushes with the law (read more here). And on the court, he was known to regularly vomit after a pre-game hot dog eating ritual. True story. Maybe he has matured with age? After all, Memphis' Derrick Rose is the best point guard in the country and you've got to think Strickland had a hand in that. Or maybe he's just teaching the team how to bowl.

Double Take #2: Does R & B superstar Chaka Khan play for Kansas? The answer to this one is no, but we did a double take during today's game between Kansas and Davidson. We thought we heard the great CBS announcer (and NewsChannel 8 veteran) Gus Johnson talk about big plays by Chaka Khan. He was actually saying Sasha Kaun. The Kansas center was a difference maker in the game. Davidson had no match for his size in the low post. We guess you could say that Davidson got "Kauned."

-E

Wrong! 24 second Shot clock violation. Injury changes everything.

2008-03-27T11:29:00.001-07:00

Here at Drive and Diss we love to innovate at certain times, other times we don't. This is one of those times when we don't. When we need to come clean and admit wrong doing we have felt compelled to innovate yet again. "The 24 second Shot clock violation" is our new method of coming clean. Welcome to our first, official installment.

It turns out an unforseen event has happened moments after predicting the Suns having no chance at a playoff run this year. Despite recent losses to Boston and Detroit the Suns have nothing to worry about now. This is all because of Dirk Nowitzki's injury nanoseconds before the playoffs. This injury could not have come at a better time for the Suns.

Dirk has survived injury before, just refer to the above photograph to see what I mean. But the timing of this injury is huge for the Mediocre Mavs. The timetable for the mvp is set for about a week... but open to being longer. Meanwhile, 9th place Denver looms tonight to pick away at the Mav's flimsy holding of their seventh seed. Our prediction was seeing Denver sneak into the playoffs pushing the setting Suns out of the horizon. It appears now the Mavericks have volunteered their spot so viewers are forced to watch a slower, confused, repackaged Suns team for a few more weeks. Oh goody, more Shaq quotes....

Thanks Dirk.

-J

A Drive and Diss 3-Second Violation: Bold Playoff Prediction

2008-03-07T16:46:00.001-08:00

Welcome to Drive and Diss' newest innovation - the 3-second violation. This is where we take a maximum of 3 seconds to create hard-hitting blog entries. In today's first installment, the Suns will not make the playoffs. Even with that special glow around Shaq.

- J and E

We are back and so is Kwame!

2007-10-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

Hello Drive and Diss fans. It's been a while. Too long for some. Not long enough for others. We have been busy working on scouting reports for the upcoming season. And apparently Kwame Brown has been busy as well. Busy getting arrested that is - and just in time for training camp!

Everyone's favorite draft bust was booked over the weekend in Georgia for disorderly conduct and interfering with a police officer after his cousin was charged with drunken driving. (He should have resisted arrest as well to go for the misdemeanor trifecta.) You know, there was a time we had some sympathy for Kwame. Half of Drive and Diss lives and dies with the Washington Wizards. We held out high hopes when he was drafted and felt bad about the incessant tongue lashings Kwame got from an over-the-hill Michael Jordan trying to recapture his glory days. However, we came to realize that Kwame simply did not have what it takes. He would have one explosive game where he would dominate on both ends of the court followed by 50 games where he would disappear. The Kwame Brown era was a dark chapter for the illustrious Wizards franchise. Fortunately it ended with the arrival of the shining light of Gilbert Arenas.

Below is Kwame in a pose we are all very familiar with: getting hurt. Kwame's other most recognizable pose has him dropping a pass in the post therby blowing a wide open layup. Did you know there is an active web site called kwamebrownsucks.com? We didn't either. We tip our hats to the industrial folks behind that site.

-E

New Nickname for KG. "The Big REGULAR SEASON Ticket"

2007-08-14T21:38:00.001-07:00

I think I am a little bit confused here. For some reason ESPN, Fox, and sports writers across the media landscape are buzzing with the KG trade transaction. The "Big Ticket" is going to the Celtics. My response? "Big Deal...."

Unless the Celtic's faithful are fans of the regular nba season I hardly think this is something to applaud. For some interesting reason, a recipe for elite status in the NBA now comes from combining an injury prone shooting guard, an "all star default" swing forward guard, and one of the best non clutch big men to play the game.

KG wants a championship even though his play history has said otherwise. His trade appears to echo his play by joining two other playoffphobic stars in their quest to look really good in a regular season atmosphere.

Here at drive and diss, we take pride in using processes operating out of conventional wisdom to substantiate our claims. My research for today took a whopping 3 minutes to arrive at my conclusion about KG, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce (as of 08/14/07):

-Go to Youtube.

-Type in "KG Game Winner" and look at the myriad of choices.

The current search yields some kind of skiing incident as the most "relevant" selection. This is followed by an actual game winner by KG in Portland. This video is then followed by another version of the same shot in Portland. YouTube then gives us a KG game winner over the lowly Sixers. The next example is the same victory shot over the Philly. Finally, this is followed by a World Championship match from the WWE video game "Raw vs. Smackdown" featuring Kiego available on the Playstation 2. After close scrutiny I counted 2 official game winners for KG that fans felt the need to share with the world. Does anyone really think KG will be calling for the ball in crunch time for Boston? (for entertainment purposes I have provided the direct link to the WWE match below)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xEh10nz6sI

For fun try this formula with "Ray Allen" or "Pierce Game winner" in the text field instead. Both yielded one whole page with the same odd mixture for results.

For even more fun type "Kobe Game Winner" to see what championship experienced players do. I counted 7 plus pages of results at first glance....

Laker Haters should thank Kevin Mchale for his entrenched, competitive, stubbornness to ensure instant championships take a detour away from the purple and gold. On a positive note, Kevin Mchale has been the Best GM the Celtic front office has had in a long time.

-J

Spotlight on...Paul Mokeski!

2007-07-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

The fans have been clamoring for it and Drive and Diss is back with some fresh posts. And what could be fresher than early '80's, athletically challenged, white centers? Nothing, that's what! The Sports Guy at ESPN has covered this ground many times before, but it bears repeating: Paul Mokeski is the only NBA player ever with the build of a high school history teacher. Simply astonishing. Even more amazing, Paul Mokeski's name randomly came up today during Drive and Diss' lunch break. We had seafood; fish and chips and yellowtail to be specific. It was delicious. Thanks for asking.

The Spurs Won. Wow.

2007-06-15T00:56:00.000-07:00

What we here at Drive and Diss have been predicting for years, nay, decades, has come true. The Spurs have won the championship. We can barely contain our excitement. We should really be in awe of the efficient team play of the Spurs, but we can't. As mentioned so eloquently in the previous post, it's hard to root for robots. So to wrap up our coverage of the 2007 NBA Finals, we leave you with this shot of Manu Ginobli playing a game of keep away. Thrilling.

I was wrong.

2007-06-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

After my long slumber from journal entries with the Smooth Jazz whimper of a playoff series, I have finally been jolted to a waking state. Why? Because of the searing pains of boredom in my bowels as the San Antonio Robots clock in another championship.

As I watched Lebron's incredible single game performance against Detroit it seemed obvious to me certain rules would be in place for Lebron for his finals appearance. I expected "The Jordan Rules" to return for King James, just like it did for D. Wade during his championship run.

I was wrong. What we have here is the most horrid finals in recent memory. The San Antonio Robots are on the verge of another championship and all we can do is watch in a catatonic state devoid of any enjoyment. Why? Because the San Antonio Robots have no human emotion whatsoever. (Well, unless a foul is called on one of their big three. The San Antonio robots reflect crybaby emotion to perfection)

Although I am glad Jordan rules have been displaced to possibly rid yet another conspiracy theory for us to entertain, what we have left is nothing short of a moronic "who can outflop who" mixed with splendid defense and precision ball movement. Only the San Antonio Robots would be able to make this a laborious affair to watch.

At least we don't have to deal with the Pussycat Dolls commercial trash between time outs during the finals, but perhaps being flooded with them during the earlier rounds helps to explain one of the lowest ratings David Stern has had to deal with during his tenure. Yes David Stern, I am taking out my nauseating boredom out on you. The "NBA on NBC" golden age is a far cry to what we have now. John Tesh sweeping nba epics are now replaced with second string bimbo spice girls who obviously rely on sex appeal to sell us basketball. Just who is David Stern trying to cater to? I watched in horror as I got details of Eva Langoria's wedding during halftime the other day. Is Tony Parker going to dribble a basketball, do a lay-up, and flop at the pulpit to say "I do"? Desperate Housewives and Boring NBA finals are a recipe for disaster. What about the Desperate Fans?

The worst part of all of this is absolutely no one cares about the NBA anymore. When visiting the water cooler at work I often hang my head in shame when I strike up conversation asking "did you watch the game last night?". The answer is a resounding "no" as rpg games become the topic of conversation instead. Why? My belief lies with David Stern sacrificing mainstream viewers for dollars. Now, in order to watch any basketball we have to track it down on 4(or more) different channels. Back in the days of “NBA on NBC” viewers had a much simpler life. Playoff basketball was forced down your throat on network TV and people actually would watch their teams on LOCAL CHANNELS. The casual viewer could actually catch a game of Patrick Ewing on east coast time or Charles Barkley in a Suns uniform during playoff runs. The key is no one had to channel surf. If the playoffs were on casual viewers just had to find NBC….

(Insert heavy, downtrodden sigh here) The home of John Tesh's sweeping “NBA on NBC” theme music juxtaposed with a montage of the superstars of that era will always have a place in my heart.

-J

The Equation Behind the Unstoppable Spurs

2007-05-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

Detroit? Cleveland? It does not matter who comes out of the East. The Spurs are your champions. One simple equation tells the tale:Tim Duncan is so confident he has already crafted himself a throne made of ice. And look at the competitive fire oozing from Popovich. These guys cannot be beat.

Roger Clemens: Go Away. Now. Please.

2007-05-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

Please indulge Drive and Diss as we momentarily step away from the world of basketball to send a public service announcement to Roger Clemens: You orchestrate these dramatic "comebacks" year after year then grouse about getting all of the attention that you work so hard to court. Enough. You say it's not about the money when clearly it's all about the money. Enough. You have taken your picture with 4 of the 5 members of Aerosmith. Enough.
-E

NBA Fun Riddle of the day

2007-05-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

FUN RIDDLE: What's the difference between a box of GLAZED Krispy Kreme doughnuts and the 2007 Playoff Tested Dallas Mavericks?

Answer: Absolutely Nothing.

-J

The Laker Curse (AKA Curse of the Logo) continues....

2007-05-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

Congragulations Phil Jackson for another mediocre year and entertaining post season for Laker Haters everywhere. However, there was one subject missing that I found very odd. Every night I tuned in to watch the Lakers lose I noticed there was a distinct ommission of Phil Jackson "innovations" that he and his staff have taken credit for in previous championship years.

The most treasured invention is of course the "Triangle Offense". Did anyone notice that this stupid phrase was not mentioned more than twice during the Laker playoff run/exit? Why did the broadcasters stop drinking the Kool Aid? Does it only "work" when a Phil Jackson team wins??? Just for fun I decided to do a reimagined rendition of Phil's notes and playbook. This is a playbook simulation after watching 500 + games during Phil's baskeball tenure:

Step one: Have someone dribble the ball up.

Step two: Pass the ball to the most dominant player in the league. (Note to self, make sure to entrench yourself to a team that has the most dominant player in the league)

Step three: Have the most domininant player in the league shoot the damn ball.

Step Four: Try and take credit for it when you win. Use Tex Winter's steady hand and draw a pretty triangle.

Step Five: Wear a really smug look on yourself and tease the opposing teams underdog city while in the winning locker room press conferences. (Note to self: This does not work as well when losing a series. You must only do this during winning to show how much of an ass you can really be while being a hyprocrite to "zen buddhist thought" at the same time. )
Go Clippers. Til next year Laker fans.
-J

The Calvin Booth Identity Crisis

2007-05-01T01:32:00.000-07:00

Washington Wizards back-up center Calvin Booth is a man in search of himself. Sometimes he’s a man about town, working rooms, and picking up ladies.

Other times he confuses playing for the Wizards with being an actual spell-casting wizard. Please note the following photo has not been retouched:

But the confounding quest for the soul of Calvin Booth becomes truly apparent when he takes the court. This is when the “Cal” tattoo on his left shoulder is visible. Nothing too unusual there. We here at Drive and Diss have “Drive and Diss” tattooed up and down each arm and leg as well as across our abdomen, but we digress. The “Cal” tattoo is so mystifying because it is in the exact same font as the logo for the University of California at Berkeley. Booth is from Ohio and attended Penn State. Booth has zero connection with the state of California. In fact, he has requested that the Wizards leave him home on any road trips that require travel through California. Could the tattoo be a desperate cry for help?

There is only one solution for Calvin Booth. He needs to get “Cal” tattooed in the wingdings font on his right shoulder. It will look something like this:

Witness Calvin Booth reborn with the elusive balance and inner peace he has been seeking his entire professional career. This should also drastically increase his rebounding numbers. Calvin Booth wins and more importantly, the Wizards win.

-E

Sad Photo of the Day

2007-04-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

Good luck next year Mr. Wade. The Heat could not overcome the upstart Bulls. Here is to hoping for a healthier next year for you and for your running partner to overcome his fears of a healthy diet and lifestyle.

-J

How to Reinvent Your Troubled Franchise's Image: Step 1 of a series

2007-04-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

Many draft picks ago, the Utah Jazz were solidifying their image. The Delta Center (or "The DC" as many geographically oblivious fans would fondly call it) was known as one of the strongest home courts in the NBA. John Stockton and Karl Malone played with immense pride that resonated with their elbows from rebounds and fists to opponents guts while setting those hard picks.

John with his choir boy image and Karl with his squirrel hunting persona created an ironic contrast to the "dirty player" accusations that followed them closer than their own shadows during their prime. Without a doubt, this was reinforced with the cold, steely gaze of Jerry Sloan yelling expletives along the sidelines.

Those days happened in what seems like many midwest championships ago. What we have now is a kinder, gentler Jazz. A "Smooth" Jazz if you will.

It is clear that the media machine brainchild of Smooth Jazz owner Larry Miller is reinventing his franchise akin to a child growing its' bangs to enter an emo phase. Today's Jazz no longer play in the "Big Business, buy your own damn lunch Delta Center". They play for a friendly logo now: "The Energy Solutions Arena".

The Utah Jazz have dropped a recognizable icon of the troubled airline industry to embrace a company about solutions. This is about you. This is about me. This is about a concern that we all face - What to do with Nuclear Waste? No, scratch that.... What to do with all this horrible, exessive, wasted "energy"? Energy Solutions has the answer.

It appears Larry had a solution as well. Nothing says "solution" more than the patch job he did on his once beloved Delta Center. Please feel free to admire the beautiful banner that was used as a "solution" for the once ugly Delta Insignia that littered the facade of the Jazz's home. (please ignore the strange, Delta Airlines logo that portrudes underneath. This is about a solution. An energy solution that all can embrace. One nuclear barrel at a time.)

-J

The Spurs are in Trouble

2007-04-25T14:44:00.000-07:00

The San Antonio Spurs are facing a tougher than expected playoff series with the Denver Nuggets. And even if they can slip past A.I., 'Melo, and company, their performance thus far certainly does not bode well for the rest of the playoffs. The reason for this uninspired play is simple: not enough Brent Barry. The veteran shooting guard played only 12 minutes in game 1. If this trend continues, the Spurs are D.O.A.

Movie buffs and Scientoligists may remember Barry for his searing portrayal of Calvin Nack, the greedy ball player with the exclusive trading card contract in Jerry Maguire. Barry, however, is probably best known for his groundbreaking 1996 NBA slam dunk championship. He was not just the only white player to ever win, but also the first to wear a windbreaker during competition. Rumors have floated for years that the windbreaker concealed a potent salve made of anabolic steroids, human growth hormone, and cat food that gave him power to complete even the most challenging dunks. Nonsense. The windbreaker was simply a ruse. Barry intentionally looked like a gigantic tool. Otherwise, he would have scared off the other participants and there would have been no competition at all.

You see, Brent Barry is superhuman. And with him on the court, the Spurs are unstoppable. We are dubbing this theory "Windbreaker 1". Why the number "1"? Well, we believe this is the first sports theory ever to feature to feature the word "windbreaker", but by no means will it be the last. We just wanted to stake our claim as innovators.

There is a second theory floating around that is more grounded in "facts" and "reason" (whatever these things are). This is entitled the "The Spurs are in Trouble Because of Match-up Problems and Tired Legs" theory. Bruce Bowen is the Spurs defensive stalwart, but can he stick with 'Melo or A.I. over the course of a series? Will the Spurs extended playoff runs of the past decade start to catch up with Tim Duncan? Plus, Nuggets point guard Steve Blake can efficiently run a team; and he's no stranger to pressure situations having won a national championship at one of the country's great universities.

Wow, this alternate theory seems to make a whole lot of sense. But we're sticking with "Windbreaker 1" - so take heed Spurs coach Gregg Popovich. Play Brent Barry at least 30 minutes a night and you will get your fourth world championship.

-E

My formula for determining the MVP race

2007-04-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Have you guys been scratching your heads wondering who will win the useless honor of being MVP? Me neither. But it seems like a lot of journalists have gone to great lengths to figure out every statistical reasoning to solidify their stance for voting for Steve Nash or Dirk Nowitzki.

Because the media has thrown up every stat and efficiency rating to sway your opinion, I decided to do an independent study. I have used an exclusive stat that has only been incorporated here on Drive and Diss.

The "Google Drunken Stupor Image Stat" is my number one factor I have used in finding our MVP. You won't find this type of research anywhere else. The stat is simple: Who has the most drunk photos available on a Google search? The more drunk photos an MVP candidate has, the less likely they are deserving of that MVP trophy.

I typed "Steve Nash Drunk" under the Google Image search and then did the same for "Dirk Nowitzki Drunk". This is what I found:

images provided from:
http://www.seancoon.org/2005/05/drunken-ballers.html
http://czabe.com/daily/archives/2006/06/index.html

My count was 3 drunk Nowitzki images to one drunk Steve Nash image. It seems pretty clear cut to me. Nash definitely has the harder work ethic, and is less drunk on average than his good friend Dirk Nowitzki. According to the Assist to Hungover ratio, Nash is clearly the winner for MVP.

-J

Something Was Missing from Game 1 in Phoenix

2007-04-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

There was something missing from today's game 1 in Phoenix. At first glance, it seemed to have all of the elements of the 2007 Lakers:

Kobe playing brilliantly yet selfishly before tiring out after receiving little help from his teammates with the exception of Lamar Odom.

Phil Jackson glowering on the sidelines, trying to prod his team with that bizzaro two-fingered whistle thing he does.

Kwame Brown playing hot potato instead of the game of basketball. Somebody needs to tell Kwame the goal is to catch the ball when it is passed to him. And after the game, Kwame had the nerve to say they should have gone inside more. Well Kwame, I think the team might have lost a little confidence in your work after about the tenth or eleventh time you fumbled the ball away. The corpse of Wilt Chamberlain would have been more effective out there. True story.

But the one thing this game didn't have - it could not be found...on KCAL 9. And therefore the viewing audience was robbed of the dulcet tones of Stu Lantz, the most insightful basketball analyst of this or any other generation.

-E

RE: Refuting Our Own Theory

2007-04-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

What an interesting spin to the NBA LOGO curse. Cementing the curse with facts all the more adds intrigue to the mix. Although there are holes in my personal version of the curse, you do have to put some conspiracy glasses on to truly enjoy the drama.

Has anyone ever noticed the gleam in Jeannie Buss' eye during interviews about Phil Jackson? This is what ultimately led to Jerry West's "health" problems as he stepped down. The writing was on the wall. Phil Jackson evolved from "Zen Master" to "Romance Master" as he wooed his way into the storied Laker organization. Chances are very good that Jerry West's tired hall of fame body was disgusted by the awkward flirtations exchanged between the opportunistic coach and the next in line owner. How else can one explain his miraculous gift of health as he wasted his talents on the Memphis Grizzlies mere moments later? It took literally 5 minutes for him to start his next job. He is Logo. He is Legend. He is Legend Logo.

I think what we have here is a "transfer" of the Lakers spirit that was embodied in the unlikeliest of heroes.... Mike Penberthy. Mike represented one of the last true moves of the Legend Logo. (Laker fans know full well the Zen Master would never actively recruit a small guard)

Jerry West, in one final sentimental move, more than likely placed the spirit of the lakers in this scrappy guard. Obviously, Phil sent the guard packing, and with him, any more successes for the NBA's favorite franchise.

Prediction: Two years from now Phil woos his way into the front office claiming a "successful" second stint with the current roster. Jeannie Buss will watch in awe as the Zen Master recruits one oversized mediocre guard after another as they watch classic guards like Steve Nash run circles around the triangle nonsense. Laker fans will be forced to watch highlights of their most recent championships of years ago during "remember when..." segments. Of course these will be suspiciously devoid of any Shaq material.... On KCAL 9.

-J

Refuting Our Own Theory

2007-04-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

Wow, it appears we were wrong. We would like to immediately refute our own theory that Jerry West leaving was the cause of all of the Laker woes. In hindsight, this theory was full of holes: Jerry West was not disrespected by the organization. He cited his health when he resigned. Here is the real reason for the troubles: The team has not been the same (nor won a championship) since 3-point-shooting dynamo Mike Penberthy left the team in 2002. The cause of the Lakers woes will therefore now be known as the Curse of Mike Penberthy. Just take a look at his imposing mug over there on the right.

Simply terrifying. No wonder the team has not been the same without him. And here are some more facts on The Pen:

Dude came from out of nowhere: He went to someplace called The Master’s College. I think a school called The Journeyman’s College would be more appropriate for The Pen, but at least it’s better than other accredited institutions of higher learning.
Dude probably got muscled out of the league: He was listed at 6’3” and 185lbs; for a professional athlete that is downright ectomorphic. There is no way he could hold his own against the likes of strongmen Earl Boykins and Eric Piatkowski.
Dude enjoyed parasailing with teammates Slava Medvedenko and Somaki Walker.

And nothing will be right again in Lakerland until The Pen is brought back by the organization.

So there you have it. An immediately retraction of the theory we used as a basis for this blog. But we don’t look at our initial theory as a mistake. Instead, it’s more like a frank give and take between, well, ourselves. Expect to see more of this groundbreaking “journalism” in the months to come.

-E

My theory on the Laker Curse

2007-04-20T14:46:00.000-07:00

I thought I would start the 2007 nba playoffs with a fun set of facts. Have any of you Laker fans out there ever wondered why your team has been doomed to mediocrity forever? It is quite simple. Your dumb team fired Mr. Laker himself Jerry West. I call this the curse of the LOGO Jerry West.

Let's look at the facts:

Factoid 1: Jerry is dissrespected by the Laker organization and leaves in 2000.
Factoid 2: Phil Jackson rides the coat tails of Jerry's architecture but deserves an ASTERISK by those titles. Like usual, he sees an opportunity and puts his stamp of the "TRIANGLE NONSENSE" on it.
Factoid 3: Shaq is grumpy.
Factoid 4: Kobe is grumpy.
Factoid 5: Phil takes Shaq's side, and there is no NBA legend to quell the fires of the two youthful superstars.
Factoid 6: Kobe screws up his life and his practices are relegated to a different court.
Factoid 7: Shaq gets even more out of shape and leaves.
Factoid 8: Lakers don't win anything ever again.

It seems to me that all of the events started when the Lakers fired the NBA LOGO. The Curse of the Logo is in full effect this year and the Laker fans shall be sad and listless once again. Sucks to be you guys.

-J